I’m not sure that I can keep a straight face the next time my grandma tells me to eat all of my vegetables after the way you violated that squash.

Remember when you thought that girl was asking you if you knew who Molly was? Yeah, that’s not what she was asking…

Some people collect stamps, others collect hats; Mike collects bottles (after he drinks them).

Tinkerbell spreads pixie dust… Christina spreads herpes– Peter Pan would be proud, nonetheless.

Taking “drop it low” to a whole new level.

I’d still love you even if you were so ugly that everybody died.

Her “tell” is when she starts dancing like this… then we know she’s found the other side.

“I have a glow stick wiener! Finally!”

After an hour of not being able to find him at 2am, we find him passed out in the dog kennel, and he keeps telling us that the dog told him to come in because it was lonely. We had to drag him out by his feet.